As you sat there admiring that sugared passion fruit candle for years, you smiled because the moment you glanced at  it.. it brought you back to a rosy warm feeling....now you had two options 1) either watch the candle light your way & know that you can only buy it & have it for the moment... (you smile) because eventually it will burn away....2) never buy it & miss out on everything............

i pick 1!

so its been a year

Sometimes we ask too many questions! Why are we so eager to solve things that are already solved out for us? I guess we're all just looking for a meaning or longing to find some truth in the world. So far I've only lived 20% of my life that is if I get to be 100 years old when I die.(lol) I've come to the conclusion that nothing matters more in this world than friendship and love. I've found love in friends, my family and strangers. I've found true friendship in few.

The moment that I cease to hate and turn against the world I begin to wonder... why should I? In that exact hourless time I begin to love everything around me even more. This is only the beginning and I'm  in no rush to find the ending. Slowly I'm getting somewhere that I've always longed to be.

Who do I miss the most?

My grandparents! There is no day that goes by where I don't think about them.

What am I reaching for?

Success and realization.

George Bernard Shaw once wrote,

"There are two tragedies in life;

one is to lose your heart's desire,

the other is to gain it."

apart of me wants to let go

apart of me wants to stay

apart of me still waits

apart of me wants to smack myself for thinking this way

apart of me is hurt

apart of me wants  to live

apart of me is lost

apart of me wants to be happy

apart of me still wants you

apart of me wants to laugh again

apart of me still lingers down that lane where you would pull down my skirt or shirt..everytime it went up too high or too low and as i would look into your eyes ...we would start smiling at each other..and there it was ... a moment frozen in time....a moment which doesn't even leave me alone for a second.. it creeps up on me ... as if it were my shadow..

apart of me thinks about those times that we had as you held me in your arms ..

apart of me thinks.. it was  just me thinking

continue laterr

1/1/07

as i sit here waiting for my soul to arrive i ponder upon the thoughts of those who i cared so dearly about....what was my purpose? my purpose was to enjoy what God had given me... whether God had given me happiness/affection/pain/joy/reasons to live for a new day......in limited amounts... it had still filled me up completely... now here i am.. waiting for the sun to rise....i remember a time where i would sit at the park and daze into the sun setting sky....and as i sat there.. my desires were all fullfiled because i would feel that by the end of each day... i had achieved something new... what have i learned... everything is possible...and i have not found my true  love.... when i say true love.... i don't mean... loving another man...i mean loving.. something so dearly....whether its an object... or some sort of passion...

p.s Dearest Mata, Bibi, and Papaji.. I miss you guys dearly with all my heart! (so finally i found out where i left my soul behind)